Be in no doubt: we are a most peculiar nation. We are peculiar in our homes, peculiar in our places of work and worship, and peculiar when we meet socially. We are peculiar in how we talk, work and behave. Indeed, the extent of our peculiarity is in itself peculiar.
Here are just six peculiarities, big and small, based on my common observation, in no particular order. Enjoy!
Peculiarity Number One concerns our MPs. Naturally, as peculiar is their collective middle name. Why is it that when these people are at rallies and in their home towns, they always have very angry faces - deep frowns, wild eyes, saliva splattering everywhere as they talk of plots and conspiracies? But when they get together in parliament, sitting side-by-side with the very people they have been raging against, all MPs seem to become jovial, convivial and jocular in the extreme, as though they are meeting old friends? Why are these people laughing? Or could it be that the joke is really on us?
Peculiarity Number Two: many well-to-do Kenyans are members of gyms and fitness clubs, where they go for regular workouts. But please observe any such Kenyans on their way to a session. They will park their cars as close as possible to the entrance, and then take the elevator or escalator to the health club. In other words, we pay big money to get fit, but spurn all opportunities to burn calories that are free of charge. In fact, Kenyans will easily wait five minutes for a lift just to go up one flight of stairs! Is it money we enjoy burning or calories? Or could it be that we join health clubs just to see and be seen?
Peculiarity Number Three: why do we become religious just once a week? Most churches, temples and mosques are packed to the rafters one day in seven, and you would think the gathered brethren would be paying at least minor lip service to the requirements of their religions on the remaining days. Not a bit of it! After singing hymns, the rest of the week we engage in corruption, fraud, deceit, adultery and hate speech without batting an eyelid. Why did we imagine that being religious is a one-day thing, when you spruce yourself up, put on your best pious smile, and pretend to be holy? Or could it be we go there just to see and be seen?
Peculiarity Number Four: why are Kenyan roads recarpeted so frequently? Our peculiarity lies in thinking of this as a good thing. Indeed, many roads in Nairobi have had a fresh layer of tarmac laid on them in recent times, and Nairobians have applauded. But how long does the new layer last? Six to twelve months at most. And so the contractors return like the seasons, busy (usually during rush hour) doing good for the nation. Why do we drive past and accept this? A good road, well constructed with all proper materials going into it, should last thirty to forty years in all weather conditions and need only very minor maintenance. But that does not suit us here, where we prefer to keep people busy every year. Or could it be that all roads in Kenya just go round in circles?
Peculiarity Number Five: Kenyan drivers of all social classes, it can generally be agreed, drive like uncouth ruffians who care not a jot about anyone else. They engage in asinine acceleration, brainless braking and obtuse overtaking. But only on working days! On Sundays, a rather different Kenyan driver emerges: driving at a gentle constant speed, with no sudden braking, accelerating or overtaking. What gives? Do the good people emerge only on Sundays? Or could it be that they are the same weekday ruffians, but on Sundays they drive their own cars and buy their own petrol, so sensible driving suddenly makes sense?
Peculiarity Number Six: why is it that when a Kenyan wants you to feel sorry for him, he will show you his net pay, after deductions? Even people on rather generous pay packages will invite your sympathy by telling you how little they “take home” every month. Do they imagine that all the money deducted for loans (that they themselves have taken) benefits somebody else? The car you are paying for, the house you are building, the advance you took - are those not yours? Even our MPs, with their world-beating remuneration, were asking for pity recently by telling us how little their “take-home” is. Poor things. Those 4WD cars and rural mansions must weigh so heavily on them. Or could it be I am just lacking in sympathy?
So, that’s what I find peculiar. What about you? The conversation continues on www.sunwords.com. In the meantime, let us take comfort in the fact that peculiarity afflicts all nations. How else do we explain that the home of Catholicism keeps voting for a bumptious buccaneer, serial adulterer and graceless buffoon called Silvio Berlusconi?
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14 Responses:
May 29th, 2009 at 7:44 pm
Christine:
You can e-mail me via the “Contact Sunny Bindra” link on the top right. However, finding the time to do a questionnaire is unlikely…
May 26th, 2009 at 9:31 am
I have a questionnaire for Sunny Bindra, please let me have your e-mail contact so as to explain what it is all about and send you the copy and web link.
I would also like to have a face to face interview with you.
Thank you
Lecturer,Kenyatta University
Global survey coordinator (EasternAFrica)
May 20th, 2009 at 9:04 am
Emmanuel:
Can your speedy friend confirm that he is more important than the rest of us, and that his time is more valuable?
May 19th, 2009 at 9:07 pm
Hi Sunny,
I enjoyed reading your peculiarity article and i had to show a friend who has the abit of overlapping and speeding like a wild animal. everytime i tell him not to over speed on Kenyan roads as it is unpassable unlike the Roads in Germany- talking about Autobahn. More peculiarities are welcome. good article
May 19th, 2009 at 4:25 pm
Incidentally, why do you all allow ‘overlapping’ drivers to cut into the queue? I never, ever do. Another Kenyan peculiarity? Docility in the face of aggression?
May 18th, 2009 at 8:08 pm
Hi Sunny… Nice article last Sunday! Here are a few other peculiarities:
- The long sermons at funerals even when the dearly departed was not a church goer.
- Still on funerals… Kenyans tend to make funerals one huge ‘get together’… Probably the largest networking arena in Kenya today!
- Kenyans love use their place of employment as a last name eg John UNEP, Sara Citibank etc.
- Kenyans are just too obsessed with cars it’s trully comic. We just have to drive our cars… Car pooling and cycling and biking and walking are non-Kenyan pursuits. Even when petrol retailed at Ksh 110/litre, we still drove all our cars!
May 18th, 2009 at 4:49 pm
Indeed we are a peculiar nation. For me the most outstanding peculiarity is the fact of becoming religious only a day in a week. No wonder our country can never heal from one tragedy after the other! If we worshipped our Creator in our work as jounalists, politicians, teachers, drivers, policemen, bankers, receptionists, businessmen etc, i am sure we would not be complaining much. But if we only become prayerful and ‘good’ on Fridays or Saturday of Sunday, then infact we are demeaning the same Super Being we claim to adore. May He forgive us.
May 18th, 2009 at 4:16 pm
Francis:
Yes, Kenyans and phones: every call is so important that it must be answered. Whether in a meeting, in the cinema, driving…
May 18th, 2009 at 4:13 pm
Your article yesterday was very funny & interesting to read. Another Peculiarity you left out:- receiving a phone in the middle of a serious meeting, only to apologize after coming back from outside.
May 18th, 2009 at 8:40 am
The funniest one is seeking pity by showing the salary after deductions. This one is sooo common that I had come to accept it as normal.
May 17th, 2009 at 7:51 pm
Joseph:
‘Overlapping’ drivers: I always wonder what goes on in their heads. They are more busy, more important, more in a hurry than everyone else? No feeling at all for society around them.
May 17th, 2009 at 7:50 pm
Odidi:
Yes, I saw how my piece was mangled in the paper. As a friend suggested: Peculiarity No 7: A sub-editor will always mutilate your article when you least want it!
May 17th, 2009 at 6:37 pm
another peculiar habit:
overlapping drivers on traffic jams. Do they imagine other drivers are happy queuing up or how special do they think they are?
May 17th, 2009 at 12:48 pm
Sunny
do you realise there is a whole paragraph on Imperial Bank that sneaked into your column in the Newspaper.
another peculiarity, i guess