I attended a graduation ceremony recently, and was struck by something said by one the graduands, a class president. She quoted Ralph Waldo Emerson, certainly one of the more quotable people who ever passed through this planet. Here is the quotation:
“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children…to leave the world a better place…to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.”
[Important note: this quotation has probably been wrongly attributed to Emerson. See comments below]
I am repeating it here because today is the first day of a new year, and we need inspiration as we take on the rigours to come. Success has become one of the mantras of individual life, but are we defining success correctly? Every parent wants her child to succeed; every youthful aspirant wants this universal good called success on his curriculum vitae.
Modern life seems to have got success horribly wrong. When people talk about being successful, they are nearly always talking about making a lot of money; about gaining power over others; about getting applause from an adoring public; about having lots of things to show off and invoke envy in others.
Most will not admit it, but if they care to look at that list again, that is what they are really after. Look again at the people you think are successful, and you will see that what you are measuring is their baubles and trinkets, their suzerainty over others, their popularity.
Emerson reminds us that this life is fleeting, and that to succeed in it properly is difficult. The first step, however, is to understand what constitutes success, and that is where his quotation offers timeless wisdom.
Winning the respect of wise people: is that not a much forgotten achievement? Today, people wallow and even revel in utter ignorance. They celebrate their populist idiocies. They strut in bling and delight in gibberish. In this era of easy and vapid celebrity, the need to win respect is gone.
Even more important is Emerson’s next measure: winning the affection of children. How many of us even attempt that? We ignore children, park them in front of televisions and video games, watch their minds rot before our eyes. We no longer engage them, entertain them, stimulate them, guide them. Upbringing is electronically outsourced.
We also sit around in fatalistic indifference. The world’s a mess, but what can one person do about it? What can little, insignificant me do to change things? Emerson provides something of great meaning: make sure even one person has a better life because you lived. That, surely, is in everyone’s grasp. We can all be successful, truly successful, by simply making things a little better for the people immediately around us.
Betterment is often confused with economic uplift. It may or may not be in your power to provide material gain to others. But it is certainly in your grasp to provide counsel, kindness and attention.
So let 2012 measure these things in your life: how much respect you earn for your values and principles rather than your cars and houses; how many children laugh and smile when they see you; and how much your presence on this planet boosts the wellbeing of others, not just yourself.
In closing, let us also not forget another worthy Emerson quotation: “I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.” Let us not merely record our successes in terms of wisdom received from others. Let us strive to think for ourselves and know our own things. Wise persons prompt and goad us into thinking more deeply. But they cannot do our thinking for us. Reading good things and marvelling at them is not enough. We have to be good, do good and make good things happen.
May your year be measured in smiles, respect and appreciation.
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{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
With all due respect to your write-up, if people are talking about fiscal success, power and fame it’s because society is driven as such. It is pointless and frankly detrimental to dissuade people from striving for these goals because, when all is said and done, it’s an individualistic world out there. I could spend my time providing counsel, attention and kindness but when my day has come and gone nobody is going to extend those virtues to me or my family that will have suffered from it.
It’s a sad state of affairs but, unfortunately an unchangeable one. I, for one, will continue to strive for fiscal success (while being courteous and useful to those around me in as much as it does not impinge on my own success or cause them harm) because when all is said and done I owe it to myself and my family for nobody else will look after them.
With courteous salutations for a success 2012.
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JJS:
Please feel free to strive for whatever type of success you deem fit. I hope you achieve all the “fiscal” success you wish for. But I make three points.
One, that society is not just an external imposition – it is composed of the behaviors of its components, of which you are one. So don’t blame this on society, since society is you.
Second, I hope all the monetary gain you want gives you some meaningful sense of achievement and significance at the end of it all. The point of the article was that despite the need we all have to achieve material gain, there are also deeper successes to strive for, ones that will make sense when we look back on our lives.
Third, there is no mutual exclusivity between striving materially and being decent and kind to others. It is not as though you can only do one at the expense of the other. My point was that we have unbalanced ourselves to court money and empty popularity, while neglecting the very human need to give betterment to others.
But again, it’s your life and your call. Happy 2012.
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Please see this important contribution from Kimenyi Waruhiu below:
I write to point out an error that I perceive in the piece that you wrote today. I only ask that you take this criticism in the spirit in which it is meant, because I really do respect your thoughts and writing which is the reason that I subscribe to Sunwords.
As Wikipedia and numerous other sources point out, the poem that you heard and write about is often erroneously attributed to Ralph Waldo Emerson – in fact, it was written by a housewife, Bessie Anderson Stanley, as an essay submission in a competition in 1905. The competition was on, “What Constitutes Success”. She won $250 for her effort, a significant amount at the time; but an amount that pales in comparison to her contribution for all time.
The poem is significant to me as at his funeral early last year, my mother (and his wife of 49 years) read this poem as a tribute to my father. Regardless, your message is spot on; as you have wished to your audience may 2012 be successful for you too.
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Kimenyi:
I am sure you are right on this matter: thank you for that very lucid clarification.
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Lucien Levvy Bruhil, a European philosopher of yore insinuated that “Africans are illogical thinkers. They believe in occult/magic. That is why they are backward and primitive.” Needless, to venture into counter arguments on this predisposition, one would tend to agree with the philosopher.
When we put the cart before the horse, how can we expect motion to occur smoothly? Money is no doubt important in our lives. But the same needs to be obtained through focused means. We can’t just expect to harvest money out of sowing no efforts. Alternatively, it is equally wrong to acquire it through shortcuts such as underhand deals, corruption and so on. Whatever efforts, need to be focused in a way that they will not hurt humanity.
How about striving to discover our own internal strengths and developing them successfully towards meeting the needs of humanity? Allow me to cite Sunny Bindra as a case in point. He realized his superior ability of writing as well as imparting knowledge through the papers and even in organizational training. Year after year, I am sure that he can confirm that he is heftily rewarded for his efforts. Can we learn from him and develop ourselves appropriately?
Indeed, every one of us must in my view realize that success is achieved through first becoming successful in our professions or vocations. Nobody anywhere will bother hiring a mediocre trainer, engineer, accountant, musician, driver, mechanic, hairdresser etc. when excellence is plentiful.
Monetary rewards or successes as majority perceive them will result from becoming and therefore excelling in productivity or service provision. I further believe that a critical understanding of Abraham Maslow’s 4th level of need – recognition, could save us from not only mediocrity but also unnecessary ignorance. Indeed, we striving to be best will lead to recognition and appropriate rewards whatever our situation.
There is no doubt that the same society, that many would hind behind, as the custodian of success, actually recognizes and rewards superior performers. Should we not therefore treat it as our market and appease it with superior goods and services depending on our own unique strengths? I think that is the success that Sunny Bindra would want us to crave for in 2012 and beyond.
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Jjs: a human being has three fundamental needs that must be fulfilled in order for one to live a healthy,balanced and fulfilling life: physical,emotional and spiritual. There is nothing absolutely wrong with pursuing wealth as long as it’s a means to an end- for the greater good.That is why bill gates is giving away his wealth after a lifetime spent in amassing it- because money by itself doesn’t guarantee happiness. And i hope one day we can realize that ‘family’ is not only our blood relations but every human being that walks upon this earth.happy 2012 and sunny, may the almighty give you many more years to preach the TRUTH.
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Mwangi:
It is indeed true that step 1 to any meaningful success is to become very good at what you do, a point missed by many. No amount of networking makes up for a hollowness within.
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Nice piece Sunny! I’ll briefly defy your imploration to resist the urge to quote others just to share this from a friend: “I met a man so poor that all he had was money…”
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