Sunwords.com by Sunny Bindra » Sunday Nation

For things to change, policymakers must feel the pain

Sunny Bindra — Sun, 05 Feb 2012 06:05:33 +0000

A drive on one of Kenya’s highways is, we can all agree, a hair-raising experience. We have one of the world’s highest road fatality rates, for one simple reason: the roads are full of what our president fondly calls “pumbavus” who have inexplicably been allowed to drive.

So you will get pea-brained drivers coming at you from all directions: overtaking on bends and inclines; overtaking from the left; stubbornly blocking the “fast lane”; trying hair-raising manoeuvres for no reason at all. The result is daily death and destruction. In full view of the police.

I think we should adopt a measure famously suggested by American economist Armen Alchian: mounting a small spear on every steering wheel, pointed directly at the driver’s heart. Do that, and watch all that speeding and dumb driving go down overnight.

You probably laughed at that policy proposal, but there is an important principle that underlies it: people respond to incentives and penalties. Most pea-brained drivers have little sense of the risks they take by driving like damn fools; it is therefore in society’s interest to incentivize them not to do it, by making the danger very personal and immediate. A Maasai spear pointing at the chest will do the job very nicely. Average speeds will slow dramatically.

This principle can be applied to other areas of policy. The reason people misbehave is that they have incentives to do so and face little risk of meaningful penalty. The policy prescription is to reduce the incentives and amplify the penalties of bad behaviour. And particularly, make sure this applies most acutely to the policymakers themselves.

Suppose someone with supreme authority issued an edict: Each and every government vehicle is herewith banned from any form of dangerous driving, including overlapping and driving on pavements. This is a strict order, and there will be severe repercussions for any vehicle caught flouting it. The media, and the ordinary citizenry through social media, are invited to highlight any instances of abuse. Reprimands will be punitive and immediate, regardless of status.

If such a thing were done, believe me the effects would be instantaneous. For the first time, government bigwigs would have every incentive to fix the traffic problem, because for the first time they would be exposed dramatically to its consequences. You would see a flurry of projects aimed at improving and extending the roads quickly; and would see an emphatic crackdown on bad driving. Suddenly, traffic police would do what they are paid to do, and many new ideas for fixing the traffic problem would emerge.

Simply because the repercussions had been brought to bear on the Big People.

You can apply this to many other situations in life. Don’t allow important personages any extra security, and watch security improve for all. Restrict the children of all ministers and civil servants to attending government-funded schools, and watch the quality of free education rise rapidly. Force CEOs to queue up for their own products, and watch the lines reduce dramatically in a short space of time.

You get the idea. When the Big People suffer alongside the Little People, they fix problems. Otherwise they ignore them. In Kenya today we offer exemptions from ordinary pain to all our Big People. They can dodge the traffic, evade the law, be exempted from taxes, hire private security, get free health treatment abroad. Therefore they have no incentive to fix any of our entrenched problems, since they never suffer their consequences.

This is because only the Big People set the rules today. But that will change. The impact of the new constitution, combined with an ever more youthful population powered by mobile social media is going to change the game forever. Wise leaders and policymakers, please start noting the need for rules that apply to all, equally and without fear or favour.

What #TwitterBigStick is, and which organizations have responded

Sunny Bindra — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 11:52:54 +0000

#TwitterBigStick is a hashtag that escalates bad service and bad behaviour by organizations. Thousands have used it to give instant feedback on poor experiences and neglect. It give ordinary people a voice and an instantaneous way of channelling feedback constructively. Ignoring #TwitterBigStick can lead to a severe reputation battering, often in a few hours of retweeting.

#TwitterBigStick is a crowd-sourced initiative that is run and governed by the crowd. It tries to stay entirely neutral and has no vested interests whatsoever. There is no attempt to profit from this endeavor, and there should be none in future. It has been initiated for the general good, because ordinary people are fed up of neglect and of being taken for granted as customers and users. Tweets and retweets are entirely voluntary, and people join in when they feel they want to. There is no central plan here – it’s just a hashtag.

#TwitterBigStick has a more pleasant twin: #TwitterThumbsUp. It tags praise and commendations for organizations and individuals doing the right things, and doing them well.

#TwitterBigStick is trying to keep this feedback clean and genuine. As with any crowd-sourced initiative, abuses will no doubt occur. It is for the collective to decide what is credible and what is not, and what complaints to support by replying, mentioning or retweeting. There is no central authority of any sort.

#TwitterBigStick is being supported daily by leading social media influencers and journalists (as well as some CEOs!).

#TwitterBigStick is currently aimed at organizations with a brand to manage and a reputation to protect. It puts the spotlight on any failures in their service delivery and corporate behavior, as highlighted by their customers and users.

Many organizations have responded positively to online complaints and have engaged with the idea, seeing it as a valuable real-time feedback tool. Despite their positive engagement, they too will stay on the radar.

To date, organizations that have responded with promises to address issues include:

The United Nations
British High Commission Kenya
DHL Kenya
KCB Group
Safaricom Ltd
Airtel Kenya
Orange Kenya
Yu Kenya
Bata Kenya
BM Security
Strathmore University
Kianda Foundation
Riara Schools
Kenya Railways
Zuku
DSTv Kenya
Braeburn Schools
Ashleys
Wells Fargo Kenya
G4S
Regent Management
Nation Media Group
The Mortgage Company
Kenya Airways

How good are the parts the world doesn’t see?

Sunny Bindra — Sun, 29 Jan 2012 04:51:50 +0000

Looking at Apple’s fourth-quarter 2011 results is enough to boggle the mind. Which company do you know that grows its revenues at more than 70%; that sells a million (expensive) iPhones every three days; that sells more phones every day than there are babies born in the world; and that is currently worth more than two Wal-Marts?

Having created this gravity-defying money machine, Founder Steve Jobs will surely become the most studied CEO in history; but I sometimes wonder whether this is a productive exercise. He was one of life’s one-offs: a maverick; an iconoclast; a near-pathological control freak. Who is going to repeat that combination?

Nevertheless there are things he believed in that should make us all sit up and pay attention. I found one such belief in his biography, written by Walter Isaacson. Here it is:

“From his father Steve Jobs learned that a hallmark of passionate craftsmanship is making sure that even the aspects that will remain hidden are done beautifully…”I want it to be as beautiful as possible, even if it’s inside the box. A great carpenter isn’t going to use lousy wood for the back of a cabinet, even though no one’s going to see it…you’ll know it’s there…for you to sleep well at night…the quality has to be carried all the way through.”"

I’m clapping. Are you? No shoddy quality, even for the invisible parts? Why? Because YOU WILL KNOW it’s shoddy at the back. Now that, ladies and gentlemen, is called having a personal standard. It matters not a jot whether people will EVER see your standard; the point is, you have to maintain it. For yourself, and your own peace of mind.

Steve Jobs was famous for wanting even the inner circuit boards in his Macintosh computers to not just work well, but look good. Why, when no one would ever see them in there? Because HE would know they weren’t right, and HE would feel he had let himself down.

Now look around you. Who on earth lives up to this principle? Pretty much no one. Take a look at big buildings in Nairobi. Most of them will have a very shoddy rear wall – often even unpainted. The reception may look nice, but walk down to the basement car parking: unfinished floors, unpainted walls.

Big Nairobi hotels have flamboyant common areas, but you don’t ever want to visit most inner working areas and staff quarters, where guests are not allowed to venture. You would be shocked by most of what you see. Only the very best hotels care about the staff areas.

Most people, simply put, cannot live up to the principle of “quality all the way through.” They are just putting up a facade, a shopfront, an illusion of grandeur and nobility. The minute something is not seen by others, it is neglected and abused.

A caveat: even Steve Jobs’ Apple doesn’t live up to this total-quality ideal fully. Its products exude sophistication, inside and out; but its supply-chain practices do not. Manufacturing is outsourced to China, and there are well-documented examples of egregious working conditions in its partner companies. To its credit, Apple is cracking down using a strict supplier code, but there is some way to go.

Nonetheless: please apply the “back of the cabinet” principle to your life and your organization. The visible parts may have a nice sheen to them. What about the invisible ones? How much quality and nobility is there in the bits the world doesn’t see? True greatness lies in being the same throughout. It is a standard few of us can live up to. So go and examine the backs of the cabinets of your life today, and think about what you really stand for.

Organizations: prepare for online firestorms in 2012

Sunny Bindra — Sun, 22 Jan 2012 06:26:44 +0000

A few weeks ago I predicted that 2012 would be the year of the “Twitter Big Stick” in Kenya: a time when both politicians and large organizations feel the force of feedback from social media.

I pointed out that the reason for this is that the little people – customers, users, voters – now have networked little devices in their pockets. Most of these mobile gadgets have cameras attached, and are connected to global social media platforms. A single tweet complaining about your organization can therefore reach tens of thousands of people in just hours, if not minutes.

Don’t believe me on this one, Kenyan CEOs? Well, it’s already happening.

In recent months, many corporations have had to undertake humiliating U-turns after new proposals caused social media explosions. Take Netflix in the US. This very successful company suddenly announced plans to split up its businesses and charge more for each service. The resulting Twitter uproar amongst its user base was deafening, with thousands threatening immediate cancellations. Guess what? The company reversed course, but the damage was done.

Bank of America announced a new $5 monthly debit card charge – but changed its mind fast once a social-media storm focused its attention. Gap was forced to recall a new logo – after seeing all the derision it excited. Verizon’s ill-thought-out $2 online-payments charge didn’t even make it past 24 hours. And HP announced plans to ditch its personal-computer business – but found surprisingly high levels of support for its PCs on social media, and decided to keep the division going (after dumping its CEO instead).

Are these all foreign examples, not applicable here, I hear you saying? Well, Kenya Power faced widespread derision from its customer base online when it launched a new brand – minus any appreciable improvement in customer service and supply reliability. Local ISPs who use blatantly misleading marketing in launching new offerings are feeling the heat every day.

A localized dispute between business directory Mocality and Google here in Kenya last week took just hours to spread around “Twitterville” and elsewhere, and was all over leading global online news media the same day, forcing Google to issue a quick apology and the promise of a thorough investigation.

So don’t doubt it: the Twitter Big Stick is swinging. If your organization routinely frustrates its customers, makes them swelter in queues, mis-sells its products, or allows its staff to engage in anti-social practices – await the online caning. Which will be very, very bad for your reputation and your business.

What this heralds is a startling sea-change in the relationship between organizations and their customers. The little Davids are able to connect virtually in a way they never could physically, and teach many a Goliath a stinging lesson.

Is this always a good thing? No, because abuse is possible and in some cases consumers should not have so much say in company decisions. However, in an environment where customer abuse is rampant and bad service the norm, the social-media firestorms will mostly do a great deal of good. Businesses will be forced to remember why they exist in the first place – to deliver unique value to customers.

Good organizations should prepare themselves now. Take a fresh look at what causes anger and frustration in your customer base, and act on it before you spark any uproar to avoid severe reputational damage. Be more honest and open in your dealings with customers in this new, more transparent world. Embrace feedback, no matter how robust, and use it to become better and stronger. Think hard about your own social-media presence and strategy.

The good organizations who care about their reputations will be the first to use this development positively. For the rest, only prolonged online caning will discipline them. It should be a fascinating year.

A country of Big People and Little People

Sunny Bindra — Sun, 15 Jan 2012 05:28:33 +0000

In Kenya there are Big People, and there are Little People. There are very few Big People, and very, very many Little People. The Big People call all the shots and make all the decisions, and the Little People obey.

The slightly bigger Little People spend all their time and effort trying to become Big People, because if you are one of the Little People in Kenya you are nothing. It doesn’t matter how you became one of the Big People, as long as you are Big.

Big People have many privileges. They ride ‘back-left’ in limousines, while Little People ‘kaa square’ in matatus. Big People do not have to obey normal traffic rules and do not notice the gridlock around them, because they use journey time to rest and work in air-conditioned comfort. Little People lose several hours a day marooned on clogged-up roads. But that’s fine, because the Little People’s time doesn’t really matter.

Big People are exempt from queues and general inconvenience. They can go to the front automatically and be served first, as all the Little People will make way for them. Big People do not have to be searched or subjected to security checks, because they are too Big for that. A Little Person attempting to impose any inconvenience on a Big Person will soon be made a Tiny Person.

Big People do not pay taxes. They are either given official exemptions, or they find more creative ways of escaping the net. Little People pay lots of taxes and pay for everything that the Big People do.

Big People do not go to jail. They commit many crimes, but are too Big to be punished. As a result, they commit even more crimes and become even Bigger. Little People are punished immediately for even the smallest misdemeanour, unless they are protected by Big People.

Big People are surrounded by lots of Little People called aides, assistants, drivers, bodyguards and relatives. These Little People protect the Big People from other Little People, and in return are made to feel like Slightly Big People.

Big People learned long ago that there are many more Little People than there are Big People. They realized that the only way to keep Little People from noticing they outnumber the Big People was to keep them in separate pens called Tribes. Once the Little People were herded into these special pens, they could be controlled easily by the Big People who would warn them about the danger that comes from other Little People in other pens.

The good news for the Little People is that things may be about to change for them. For one thing, more than half of the Little People are now Very Young People, because the Older Little People had been too active in procreating Little People. For another, the Little People now carry Little Devices that allow them to connect to all the world’s Little People. This has allowed the Little People to realize that being forcibly kept Little is backward and primitive.

Many more of the Little People are also becoming Medium People, and are asking why the Big People have it all their own way. They are asking pesky questions and refusing to fetch the ball for the Big People. The Little People are now realizing that they don’t have to be so Little after all. Some of the Big People are also realizing that the exclusive Big life is not sustainable.

Someday soon, Kenya will become a country for All People, where every person lives under the same rules and has the same rights; where anyone who has earned it on merit can become bigger; and where what is good for All People is what is done. Then, we will read in our history books about the bad old days when only Big People mattered.

Large organizations: that long queue demonstrates only your inefficiency

Sunny Bindra — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 06:25:43 +0000

We are becoming a country of queues. Wherever you look, and wherever you go, people are standing in queues. Increasingly long queues. What is a queue? A place where a long-suffering user or customer gets increasingly annoyed with your organization and your brand.

Given how widespread this problem is, it always amazes me how little attention management teams give it. You, the reader, have almost certainly stood in a long queue somewhere recently: a bank, a government agency, an airline check-in counter, a utility firm, a supermarket or large store, a bus station, a hospital, a hotel reception, an immigration line – and many others. How did you feel?

If the queue was short and moved quickly, you probably felt fine. If the queue was long and moved slowly, however, you were undoubtedly filled with increasing frustration and annoyance towards the service provider who had corralled you there. Most customers have a common complaint: a huge number of customers in the hall, but only one or two counters open.

Managers, why is this not a big deal for you? There are angry people in queues all around us, but hardly any thought is given to queue mitigation. There is often a fatalism at work here, which perceives this phenomenon as somehow natural, too expensive or too difficult to deal with. Perversely, there is also a triumphalism I find in some management teams – a feeling that long queues are indicative of success (“we must be good if so many people line up for us.”)

Both perspectives are fallacious. The queue problem is neither insurmountable nor commendable. A queue is not proof of popularity. It is a management challenge, and your inability to address it only demonstrates failure. It is also deeply inefficient; how much revenue is lost by making people queue up unnecessarily and possibly abandon you; and how much expensive goodwill gained through good advertising and PR is squandered daily on the shopfloor?

The truth is, a thoughtful management team can come up with several ways of reducing and managing queues. All these approaches involve intelligent combinations of technology and people.

First, work the technology. Many Kenyan organizations have done this: banks have introduced ATMs and online transactions; service providers have allowed for mobile money payments. But it is not enough. Many managers are still wondering why the queues don’t diminish. The answer is that you have not sold and communicated the new channels well enough. Most customers require serious hand-holding before they trust a new technology, and this is rarely provided.

Second, rethink the people equation. Introducing new technology is not just a chance to reduce your headcount costs; it is a golden opportunity to enhance the customer experience. Having fewer tellers may save you salaries; but they add huge costs in lost goodwill. Intelligent peak traffic measurement is needed, and rarely seems to be done.

Third, try new approaches. Top global organizations are introducing handheld checkouts, so that a sale can be clocked anywhere in the shop. They are introducing self-checkout / self check-in lanes for more tech-savvy customers. They are pre-scanning shopping baskets to reduce time at the till. They are deploying staff to act as queue-busters: keeping customers engaged and directing people to the correct line and the next available counter. They are isolating the most common causes of holdups, and addressing them.

There are many interesting ways to reduce queues. The first step is to realize you can and should reduce them. Users of your service are not cattle lined up for milking; they are human beings with things to do and places to be. Most people do not get any inherent pleasure from being at your premises; they want to complete their business and leave quickly. It is your duty to make that happen.

May these be the things you achieve in 2012

Sunny Bindra — Sun, 01 Jan 2012 07:04:34 +0000

I attended a graduation ceremony recently, and was struck by something said by one the graduands, a class president. She quoted Ralph Waldo Emerson, certainly one of the more quotable people who ever passed through this planet. Here is the quotation:

“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children…to leave the world a better place…to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.”

[Important note: this quotation has probably been wrongly attributed to Emerson. See comments below]

I am repeating it here because today is the first day of a new year, and we need inspiration as we take on the rigours to come. Success has become one of the mantras of individual life, but are we defining success correctly? Every parent wants her child to succeed; every youthful aspirant wants this universal good called success on his curriculum vitae.

Modern life seems to have got success horribly wrong. When people talk about being successful, they are nearly always talking about making a lot of money; about gaining power over others; about getting applause from an adoring public; about having lots of things to show off and invoke envy in others.

Most will not admit it, but if they care to look at that list again, that is what they are really after. Look again at the people you think are successful, and you will see that what you are measuring is their baubles and trinkets, their suzerainty over others, their popularity.

Emerson reminds us that this life is fleeting, and that to succeed in it properly is difficult. The first step, however, is to understand what constitutes success, and that is where his quotation offers timeless wisdom.

Winning the respect of wise people: is that not a much forgotten achievement? Today, people wallow and even revel in utter ignorance. They celebrate their populist idiocies. They strut in bling and delight in gibberish. In this era of easy and vapid celebrity, the need to win respect is gone.

Even more important is Emerson’s next measure: winning the affection of children. How many of us even attempt that? We ignore children, park them in front of televisions and video games, watch their minds rot before our eyes. We no longer engage them, entertain them, stimulate them, guide them. Upbringing is electronically outsourced.

We also sit around in fatalistic indifference. The world’s a mess, but what can one person do about it? What can little, insignificant me do to change things? Emerson provides something of great meaning: make sure even one person has a better life because you lived. That, surely, is in everyone’s grasp. We can all be successful, truly successful, by simply making things a little better for the people immediately around us.

Betterment is often confused with economic uplift. It may or may not be in your power to provide material gain to others. But it is certainly in your grasp to provide counsel, kindness and attention.

So let 2012 measure these things in your life: how much respect you earn for your values and principles rather than your cars and houses; how many children laugh and smile when they see you; and how much your presence on this planet boosts the wellbeing of others, not just yourself.

In closing, let us also not forget another worthy Emerson quotation: “I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.” Let us not merely record our successes in terms of wisdom received from others. Let us strive to think for ourselves and know our own things. Wise persons prompt and goad us into thinking more deeply. But they cannot do our thinking for us. Reading good things and marvelling at them is not enough. We have to be good, do good and make good things happen.

May your year be measured in smiles, respect and appreciation.

No related posts.

Here are the Sunshine Awards 2011

Sunny Bindra — Sun, 25 Dec 2011 07:01:18 +0000

It’s time for the annual Sunshine Awards from this columnist: highlighting the significant events and people of 2011. Before you proceed, please remember the selection process is opaque, peculiar and idiosyncratic, and not subject to external auditing.

The Damburst of the Year was the amazing outbreak of popular uprisings. Starting from the Arab world this time last year, mass protest took on a new momentum in 2011. The protests spread like wildfire across North Africa and the Middle East. One of the world’s ancient civilizations, Greece, had its people repeatedly causing havoc on its streets. The Occupy movement spread across the globe to protest elite hegemony. And there’s much more to come in 2012, as ordinary people resist becoming the victims of the privileged.

Linked to this, the unpredicted Phenomenon of the Year was the spectacle of big-men dictators falling like dominoes. Ben Ali, Mubarak, Gaddafi, Gbagbo, Saleh, Assad, Kim are gone or going. All over the globe, sitting dictators looked on in disbelief and many must be dreading the words “Up Next…”

The Fiasco of the Year has to be the near-collapse of the Eurozone. Who saw that coming at the beginning of the year? Europe’s diverse and indebted economies are now seeming virtually impossible to shackle with a single currency, and the proposed salvation measures – print more money to spread around a failed system – only seem to kick the can down the road for future taxpayers to pick up. For those of us in East Africa: let’s watch this space keenly in 2012 – and learn the lessons about economic blocs.

For Kenya, the Technology of the Year must be social media. Sure, it’s been around a while, but 2011 was the year Kenyans joined in droves, primarily using inexpensive mobile devices. Apart from allowing Kenyans to exchange inane trivia, this cheap, widespread connectivity has two more meaningful consequences: first, for our politicians, who are going to discover how difficult it is to keep young people in ignorance and stifle debate amongst them; second, for our companies, who are going to wriggle on the hot plate of instantaneously transmitted customer dissatisfaction and reputation damage in 2012.

In Kenya, the Idiot of the Year is undoubtedly the overlapper. This creature displays some distinguishing characteristics. He (the overlapper is nearly always male) comes from all walks of life and all social classes; he does not give a damn about anyone else around him, as long as he gets a few metres ahead; he is evidently dimwitted, since his actions make things worse for everyone, himself included. 2011 was the year in which overlapping became a plague rather than a minority ailment. And all the while, leaders and regulators looked away.

Kenya’s positive Change of the Year is the slow but steady building of an independent judiciary. For too long, our legal system has been in the steely grip of the executive and the grubby paws of the rich, which is why the country now displays its soiled linen in the International Criminal Court. There are strong signs that a judicial system that enforces laws fairly for all may be on its way back. There will be many roadblocks ahead, but the journey is well worth continuing. Our future wellbeing and prosperity depends on the untainted rule of law.

And finally, the Transition of the Year was the passing of Kenya’s iconic heroine, Wangari Maathai. The good lady moved on, but left us a legacy of unbowed courage in the fight for a cause. It is wonderful to see so many brave souls picking up her baton to continue the fight for Kenya’s trees – all strength to them.

May 2012 be a year of peaceful transition of power, and of more people doing the right thing even when no one around them sets the example. Festive greetings to all.

Nairobi’s traffic problem is a behaviour problem

Sunny Bindra — Sun, 18 Dec 2011 03:09:33 +0000

I have been beating the traffic-gridlock tune on my drum on this page since 2003. Every year, the situation in our capital city gets worse. Every year, leaders yawn and look away. But for how much longer?

As Nairobians of all walks of life can testify, the situation is now at breaking point. In recent weeks we have had several days on which traffic has been at a complete standstill in pretty much all corners of this once-proud city. It has taken unfortunate residents five, six or seven hours just to get to their homes.

The thing that perplexes me most: where’s the leadership? This thing cannot be resolved by the people. The people, in fact, have fallen into grave civic disorder, breaking every rule in the traffic book at will. But that is where leadership is meant to come in, is it not?

Political leaders, we know that the traffic-standstill problem does not affect you personally. We see that some of you travel in vast convoys and have the traffic cleared from your path. We observe that most of you feel you are above the law, instructing your drivers to overtake and overlap without the slightest concern for others.

But is that your leadership – that if something doesn’t hurt you personally, you need do nothing about it? Leadership only matters if it improves the wellbeing of the collective – otherwise it is of no consequence and no meaning. A real leader should look at this situation and feel severe pain in the gut.

Why does it not matter to ministers, permanent secretaries and senior technocrats that the city is becoming unlivable? How many billions of shillings in GDP are being squandered on the roads every year? After all, all those people are not doing anything while they fidget in a jam – they are waiting to do something. Waiting is not productive.

CEOs: I know you sit in air-conditioned comfort at the back of your limos, typing away on your BlackBerries and iPads. You may be working during gridlock – but what about your employees? They don’t have that convenience. Their productivity and morale is being hammered every day by time wasted in jams, early starts and late finishes. So why aren’t you using your collective clout to attack this problem?

The thing is this: the jams are neither inevitable nor insurmountable. This problem can be solved. It is within our reach. There is an obvious thing that can be done, literally overnight.

The real reason we are in gridlock is sheer breakdown in social order. So what happened to the traffic police? Are overlapping, driving on pavements, refusing to use designated stops, parking on busy roads no longer an offense to the Highway Code? Do we even have a code any more? Regulators seem to have completely abdicated their duties, watching wananchi descend further into misbehaviour every day. All it would need is even one week of reinforcing the law and the laid-down rules to have a significant impact. Is that beyond us now?

Of course, there are bigger solutions, but they will take time. Accelerate the new road network – and build roads to last more than just six months. Address corruption in car importation and licensing, and in driver training. Introduce properly regulated, affordable public transport solutions. Use taxation and road pricing to ensure that the full cost of driving is imposed on drivers. And overhaul police governance so that the enforcement of even the smallest regulation is not a vehicle for extortion.

Those things must come. Without them, our whole economic engine will seize up. But we can also act on the here and now. Bad behaviour is everywhere, and it is worsening every journey for everyone. Simply making drivers behave like civilized human beings is now the burning issue. I hope someone will step in to address it.

The sad saga of the Kenyan Ark

Sunny Bindra — Sun, 11 Dec 2011 03:03:19 +0000

Once upon a time, it rained and rained and rained in Kenya. And then it rained some more. It began to look like the rain might never end. As the nation had never invested in proper drainage systems, the whole country looked like it might be lost underwater.

Someone came up with the bright idea of building a Kenyan Ark to leave all the myriad problems behind, escape and start the country afresh elsewhere. However, the government soon noticed this initiative and made it a political project. And then the problems began.

The first difficulty was to elect a captain. Leading politicians disagreed violently, even resorting to fisticuffs. Eventually, Kofi Annan flew in and announced a coalition captain at a press conference held on a decommissioned ferry.

The second difficulty related to the passenger list. Tribal chieftains clashed on proportional representation. After much thunder and lightning, it was agreed that all the tribes registered at the National Museum would send representatives in two by two. Briefly, some Kenyans started an SMS lottery to sell Ark tickets, but closed their offices overnight and disappeared after selling a million seats in a week.

The next problem was the cost of construction. The Chinese government offered to build the Kenyan Ark in exchange for exclusive rights to all the water resources in the country. This was readily agreed to and signed. However, vigilant activists filed a court injunction and the proposal had to be rethought.

MPs and ministers formed a fact-finding committee to tour Venice, Amsterdam and the Amazon Basin to learn international best practice in ark-building technology, for an outlay of just Sh 2 billion. They were accompanied by wives, concubines and offspring, both legitimate and illegitimate.

Eventually, tenders were issued and finally a contract was awarded to a new company called Uwongo Brothers for just Sh 50 billion. The company had been formed just a month prior, and its website contained photos of successful projects completed across the globe.

Many months and much waterlogging later, the Kenyan Ark was ready for launch. A sparkling function that cost just Sh 5 billion was arranged to say goodbye to the Kenyans setting off for a brave new world. However, this was delayed by the chief guest arriving five hours late. An activist who had chained himself to the side of the Ark also caused a brief commotion. Passengers failed to make an orderly queue, and overlapping led to further delays.

Finally, it was launched! The Ark set off to the resounding cacophony of a navy band. As Kenyans waved from the shore, however, disaster struck. The Ark did not even make it out of the Likoni channel before it capsized, killing all on board. The Kenyan Red Cross was immediately on the scene, but it was too late.

Accusations threw thick and fast about Uwongo Brothers’ standards of workmanship. Witnesses revealed that the Ark had in fact been constructed by prisoners and kidnapped street-children using leftover plywood. The builder was now discovered to have no registered office in London or anywhere else. The Minister for Systematic Obfuscation however issued a statement denying any wrongdoing, stating that the passengers had in fact sat badly.

It was also discovered that several other Arks had been commissioned with official government papers, and had sold millions of seats. None were actually built.

An official commission of inquiry was ordered into the fiasco, at a cost of just Sh 10 billion. Two years later, it issued its report which absolved all public officials of blame and found no evidence of wrongdoing. It noted that no money had been stolen, and the episode was filed as an act of God.

(With much gratitude to Kenya’s witty “Twitterati” who contributed many thoughts to this article)